Phoenixes III
by Anterastilis
Summary: AU with HBP. Harry has to resume his Occlumency lessons with Snape, what sort of relationship will form between the two? OOTP spoilers, stands alone, not a sequel.
1. The New Term

Phoenixes III  
  
Chapter One: The New Term  
  
Severus Snape, Potions Master of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was not pleased. It was the day of the Welcome feast of Harry Potter's sixth year at Hogwarts. He was sitting at the Head Table watching the students file in when he noticed Harry and his friends walk in. The professor noticed how pale and drawn in the boy looked. His friends send him concerned glances once in a while, but for the most part they were too wrapped up in each other-it seemed as if Hermione and Ron had gotten together over the Summer holidays. Snape snorted at this thought, he felt that Granger could do far better for herself than the youngest Weasley son, but if that's the way she wanted it.  
  
He turned his attention back to Harry and was rather surprised that he actually felt true concern for the boy. After the last term had ended, he'd had a long conversation with Albus regarding what had happened as a result of what Snape now termed 'The Pensieve Incident'. He had come to the conclusion that there was indeed more to Harry Potter than he'd originally thought. He had seen many of the boy's unpleasant childhood memories, after all. In the end, Snape had told Dumbledore that if Harry apologized, he would resume the Occlumency lessons.  
  
Now Snape sighed again as he watched Harry during the feast. Clearly the toll of last year showed, his eyes were far too old for a boy who had only a month ago turned sixteen. Inwardly, he shook his head. There was nothing he could do for the boy besides continue the Occlumency lessons-if he apologized, that is.  
  
Severus turned back to his own table. The feast was starting.  
  
Harry had felt someone's eyes on him as he sat down; He turned and by chance his eyes met Snape's. Snape's eyes were unreadable, as was he expression. Harry frowned a little. What was Snape doing? Then he shrugged it off, whatever it was would come when it came.  
  
Harry turned to Ron and Hermione, they were very much wrapped up in each other. On the train he'd found out that they'd gotten together over the summer. He was glad that they'd finally admitted the feelings they had for one another. He was also glad that their new relationship stopped them from paying too much attention to him. He'd come to like solitude.  
  
Despite his conversation with Dumbledore last year, Harry still felt terribly guilty over Sirius' death. Snape had been correct, he hadn't been as dedicated to the Occlumency lessons as he should have been. The added pressures of the prophecy Dumbledore had finally seen fit to tell him about weren't helping either. Harry turned back to the Head Table. The feast was starting.  
  
Harry was walking with the other Gryffindors to Gryffindor Tower when Dumbledore stopped him. "Harry," he said, "can you come to my office now?" Harry knew that it wasn't really a request, he nodded and followed the headmaster.  
  
Neither spoke until they came into the office. Harry winced as he walked in. The memory of his last visit here all to fresh in his mind.  
  
Albus walked in front of Harry so he didn't notice him wincing, but he did noticed the look of discomfort on his face when he turned to ffer the young man a seat.  
  
Harry sat and the first thing he said was, "I'm sorry, Professor Dumbledore. I shouldn't have done that last year."  
  
Albus smiled to himself and said, "I understand, Harry. There was no lasting damage and you had every reason to be upset. I only hope you can forgive what I've done to you-what I've inadvertently put you through."  
  
Albus watched the emotions fly across Harry's face, then he spoke, "I have, Professor," he smiled, "don't worry." Then the smile faded and was replaced with a look of curiosity.  
  
Albus smiled at Harry now, "Thank you, Harry," he said quietly. Then he went on, "I've called you here because I want to hear your side of what happened during what Professor Snape has named 'The Pensieve Incident.'"  
  
Harry's look of curiosity was replaced by one of apprehension. "Why?" he asked in a whisper.  
  
Dumbledore explained, "Harry, Professor Snape and I have spoken about it already. Now I want to hear what you have to say about it. Just tell me what happened."  
  
Harry took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "All right," he said, "I went to my Occlumency lesson as usual, but before we could start, Malfoy came in and interrupted. He needed Professor Snape for something. So Professor Snape left and I was left alone in his office with his pensieve. Again, my curiosity got the better of me and I couldn't resist taking a peek. So I fell in and witnessed a very disappointing scene involving my father, Sirius, and Professor Snape at the end of their fifth year. Professor Snape pulled me out before I could see the memory to its end. He threw me out of his office and then said he never wanted to see me in his office again as well as stopping any further lessons."  
  
Dumbledore nodded, "Anything else?"  
  
Harry sighed. "Yes, sir," he said, "Later on I snuck into Umbridge's office and flooed Sirius and Professor Lupin, I wanted to know what they had to say for themselves. I didn't like, nor did I accept, their explanation. It was very wrong what they did. I also want Professor Snape to know that I haven't spoken to anyone else about this. I also know that I shouldn't have fallen into his pensieve. There was a reason he put his memories away and I pried where I shouldn't have."  
  
Now Dumbledore smiled, "Well, Harry, I am glad to hear you say all of that. Though it's not me you need to tell all of that to."  
  
Harry paled a little, but he nodded, "Yes, sir. I know what you mean."  
  
Dumbledore smiled again and said, "Excellent, Harry. Well, you'd best be doing to bed now, it's getting late. I'll walk you to Gryffindor Tower since it's after curfew."  
  
Harry smiled, "Thank you, sir."  
  
The Headmaster and the student walked the distance to Gryffindor Tower. They, spoke little, and when they did it was of inconsequential things. At the portrait hole, Harry turned to the Headmaster and said, "I'm sorry, sir. I may have forgiven you, but I am having a hard time trusting you right now. I feel as if I were used these past few years. I know that you did what you thought was best. It also means a lot to me that you hid certain things from me only because you cared so much. That doesn't change that I feel manipulated, or the damage that occurred," Harry paused briefly and then went on, "I just need some time, Professor."  
  
Dumbledore nodded sadly, "I understand, Harry. Please believe that. I will be more open with you regarding certain things this year. It is not fair that everyone else knows more about you than you. Now is truly the time to rectify that."  
  
Harry nodded. "Thank you, Professor," he said softly. Then he entered his common room.  
  
Dumbledore smiled to himself as he returned to his office, it appeared as if things might very well work out between the potions master and his student-perhaps better than he'd hoped. 


	2. An Apology

Chapter Two: An Apology  
  
McGonagall was handing out the new schedules by the time Harry made it to breakfast. He'd been up late considering his conversation with Dumbledore. Harry hurried to the Gryffindor table and Hermione gave him his schedule. He looked down and groaned, "Oh, no! Potions first thing Mondays, Wednesdays, and Double Potions last thing on Fridays!"  
  
Hermione gave Harry a disapproving look, but Ron jumped in before she could say anything, "Wow, I'm almost glad that I didn't get the necessary grades to get into Snape's advanced classes."  
  
Hermione gave in, "Ron! Come one, Harry, I happen to think that it's a good thing that we get Potions out of the way so early. I like having a challenging class first! It sets the mood for the rest of the day!" With that Hermione continued eating her breakfast.  
  
Harry smiled. "I think Hermione might be right," he said, "Come on, let's go. Don't want to be late the first day of class."  
  
Ron looked at his friends in shock, he muttered something under his breath that his friends didn't hear and finally threw up his hands and said, "Fine! Go on then! I'll see you both at lunch."  
  
The trio returned to their dormitories for their books and Harry and Hermione walked down to the dungeons while Ron went on to the library. They arrived just as Snape did. He glared at them, but didn't say anything as they walked into the classroom.  
  
Harry and Hermione found their usual seats and quickly sat down. Snape stalked in after them, his black robes billowing behind him as usual. He scowled at his class and started speaking, "You lot have scored high enough on your O.W.L.s to be accepted into this class. This year you will begin making advanced potions. Not paying attention to my lectures will prove hazardous to your health. The ingredients you will be working with can be very volatile when handled improperly. Now we will begin with a potion that will be proving to be very useful in these times, a shielding potion. Be very careful with the Basilisk blood. Anyone who makes a mistake will be given a detention. Well? Get to it!"  
  
The class was startled into action. Harry and Hermione were working together. With Hermione's meticulous attention to detail, the class went by fairly uneventfully. Harry had the idea that Snape was ignoring him, or perhaps he simply couldn't find anything to complain about, for once. Either way, Harry was happy.  
  
After class was over, Harry walked over to his professor's desk. "Professor Snape?"  
  
Snape didn't look up from his work. "What is it, Potter?" he asked.  
  
'Is he avoiding looking at my me?' Harry wondered. "Professor, I- wanted to apologise," he said.  
  
Now Snape did look up. "Go on," he said.  
  
"I've had a lot to think about this summer. I realized that I can't blame you for Sirius' death. I shouldn't have gone into your Pensieve. You had certain memories in there for a reason. I'm sorry for invading your privacy. I also want you to know that despite what I did, I'm not like my father, and I didn't tell anyone about what I saw. Well, except for yelling at Professor Lupin and Sirius about it," Harry finished.  
  
Snape looked at Harry, he seemed to be searching for something in Harry's eyes. For a long moment they just stood there, Harry submitting himself to Snape's gaze, his eyes were open and unguarded. Then Snape finally nodded, "Apology accepted, Mr Potter. You shall be taking up Occlumency once again. I assume last year's schedule is still satisfactory?"  
  
Harry nodded slowly, "While I'm sure that Professor Dumbledore would lift Umbridge's ban on Quidditch for me, I think it might be best if I threw myself into learning advanced defense. That will free up extra evenings for me that weren't open before."  
  
Snape nodded, "A wise decision, Mr Potter." Harry nearly fell over in shock, Snape had complimented his decision!  
  
"You're not just saying that because it gives Slytherin a chance to win, are you?" Harry asked in a suspicious tone.  
  
Snape glared at Harry, though there was no real malice in it. He didn't respond to Harry's question. "Good day, Mr Potter," he said instead.  
  
Harry smirked. "Good day, Professor," he responded. Then he left the classroom and had to run to Charms. 


	3. The First Lesson

Chapter Three: The First Lesson  
  
The next evening was Harry's first Occlumency lesson. He walked to the Potions classroom with considerable less dread than he ever had before. When he got to the room, he knocked, and upon hearing Snape's call to enter he walked in.  
  
Snape walked to the door and shut it. Then he placed several locking, silencing, and warning spells on the door. When that was done, he turned to Harry and said, "You'll understand, Mr Potter, why we are doing this in my office."  
  
Harry nodded. "Of course, sir," he replied amicably.  
  
Snape just smirked a little at Harry's tone and said, "All right, get ready. Focus carefully! One-two-three-LEGILIMENS!"  
  
Harry was caught off guard. He hadn't expected Snape to throw the spell at him so quickly. He felt the intrusion and unpleasant memories came flying through. The dueling club with Lockhart.The Chamber with the Basilisk.Dobby getting him in trouble with his relatives.THERE! Harry managed to throw Snape out of his mind.  
  
When Harry opened his eyes, he saw Snape supporting himself on a chair. "Well Mr Potter, that was certainly stronger than I expected."  
  
"What happened?" Harry asked.  
  
"You threw me out-mentally as well as physically," Snape explained.  
  
"Oh--," Harry said, "I didn't mean to."  
  
Snape shook his head, "Don't worry about it. You didn't know it would happen-and you certainly couldn't control it, not yet anyway."  
  
Harry was surprised by his Professor's response, he'd rather expected to get yelled at for throwing his teacher across the room. Snape noticed his student's confusion, but he didn't say anything beyond, "Again. One-two- three-LEGILIMENS!"  
  
Knowing that he had thrown Snape across the room had dredged up unpleasant memories from the Department of Mysteries last school year. Snape's assault brought up those memories and now they flew through Harry's mind.  
  
Lestrange casting the spell that knocked Sirius behind the veil.Lupin telling him Sirius was gone.Harry yelling, "Crucio" at Lestrange.Lestrange telling him that he didn't hate enough to make the curse work.  
  
"NO!" Harry shouted. He pushed back with all of his might. Again, he opened his eyes to see Snape supporting himself on a chair.  
  
Snape eyed his student warily, "You cast an Unforgivable?" He was incredulous. Harry Potter, Gryffindor Golden Boy and the light of the wizarding world had cast an Unforgivable?  
  
Harry closed his eyes again. He didn't want to see whatever it was that was showing on Snape's face. He didn't answer.  
  
"Harry," said the potions master warningly.  
  
Harry snapped his attention back to reality at his professor's use of his first name. "Yes, sir," he replied quietly, "I did."  
  
Snape shook his head. "You are the last person I expected to ever use and Unforgivable," he explained.  
  
"I never planned on using one!" Harry's reply was tinged with anger.  
  
"Well, now it's been done so what you intended before doesn't matter," Snape's reply was curt with a hint of impatience.  
  
Harry noticed. "What?" he asked.  
  
Snape sighed in exasperation, "Potter, you have cast an Unforgivable. Do you have any idea as to what that means?"  
  
"Beyond the fact that if the Ministry finds out, I'll get sent to Azkaban?" now Harry was resorting to sarcasm, his frustration with Snape's choice of topic evident in his face.  
  
Another sigh, "Why did you do it?" Snape decided to try another approach.  
  
"She killed Sirius! Or did you miss that part?" Harry was quickly losing control of his temper.  
  
"I saw," came Snape's curt reply.  
  
"Well, then you understand."  
  
"You took no pleasure in her pain?" Snape asked.  
  
"No!"  
  
Snape just looked at Harry. He knew that this would have to be dealt with. A boy casting Cruciatus was already reason to worry. The fact that it had been Harry to cast the curse. well, Snape was more than a little concerned.  
  
Harry faltered under Snape's steady gaze. "Well.er. maybe a little," he admitted.  
  
Snape just shook his head. "Go," he said, "Come back tomorrow evening. Our discussion is not yet over, however." Snape walked over to his bookshelf and after scanning the titles quickly, he grabbed a book and returned to Harry. "Here," he gave the book to Harry, "read this. We'll discuss it in one week. You had best be prepared."  
  
Harry nodded and accepted the book. "Yes, sir," he said, "Good night."  
  
Snape watched him leave and sighed. The fact Harry did not recognize the significance of what he had done worried him. Even the children of hardened Death Eaters realized the significance of casting an Unforgivable. However, upon reflection, Snape realized that Harry hadn't hated enough, hadn't enjoyed causing pain enough, to truly revel in the pain he caused to successfully cast the curse. That much was made clear by the fact that he'd failed to cast a strong enough spell to do real damage. With that thought in mind, and relief at the forefront of it all, Snape turned to a potion to take his mind off of things.  
  
After Harry closed the door to the Potions classroom, he turned to the book Snape had given him. He was startled by the title: The Unforgivables: A Study. Wondering, he slipped the book into his bad and returned to his dormitory. 


	4. The Discussion

Chapter Four: The Discussion  
  
As the week went by, Harry read the book Snape had given him, avoided Ron and Hermione (not that that was difficult), and as he did so he drew more and more into himself. None of his friends noticed. Snape did.  
  
At that week's Occlumency session, true to word, Snape told Harry that it was time to discuss the book. Harry hadn't been looking forward to the discussion, but now it was here and there was nothing more he could do. Resigned to his fate, Harry sat down in the indicated chair and steeled himself against what he was sure was coming.  
  
Snape sat down so that he was facing Harry. After looking him over for several minutes he finally spoke, "Did you read the book, Potter?"  
  
Harry nodded. "I did, sir."  
  
"And?"  
  
Harry was confused, "And what, sir?" he asked in a puzzled tone.  
  
Snape glared at his student. "You have nothing to say about what you read?" he asked sharply.  
  
Well... "Not really, sir," answered Harry.  
  
Snape was exasperated. "Mr Potter," he said coldly, "You have cast an Unforgivable Curse. You seem to see nothing wrong with this. The only good thing in all of this is that you obviously are not so far gone that you felt true pleasure at causing such pain." He paused and eyes his student again.  
  
Harry simply looked at him and waited for him to get to his point. He was astonishingly calm for all that Snape was pushing him. Surprisingly, this worried Snape. Obviously the boy had not come out of whatever shell he had retreated into during the Summer.  
  
Snape frowned and tried again, "Have you spoken to the Headmaster about this?"  
  
Harry frowned back. "No, sir," he replied determinedly.  
  
Another sigh. "Does he even know?" Snape asked.  
  
Harry looked away. "Probably," he said, rather petulantly, "He knows everything else that happens, so why not?" Harry's voice dripped with bitterness and sarcasm.  
  
Snape decided to ignore the disrespect for now. "You are not on good terms with the headmaster," he observed.  
  
"Not right now, no, sir," Harry replied.  
  
"I see." Snape stopped to think. It would be difficult to get through to the boy while he was like this. Snape wondered what had happened to the fiery Gryffindor who would never had sat so still through this conversation.  
  
Again with the sigh. "Let me try something else..." When Harry simply continued to look at him, he continued, "I know well the lure of the Dark Arts first hand. I wanted it, had wanted it since before I got my wand. However, I have seen witches and wizards drawn in who never wanted it. Aurors who simply became so zealous in their pursuit of evil, that it became part of their very souls. You are aware that the use of Unforgivables was allowed to the Aurors during Voldemort's first rise?" Harry nodded so Snape continued his lecture, "Once you cast a Dark spell-- especially one so strong as an Unforgivable--you open your soul a little to the Darkness. The second time opens you up a little more. The third time more so. Do you understand, Potter?" Snape asked the last in a sharper tone than he'd intended but the boy looked lost in his own little world.  
  
Harry finally looked at his professor. "Why are you doing this, Professor?" he asked in a very quiet tone.  
  
Snape glared at the boy for not answering his question. After a moment or two passed he decided to give in and answer the question. "I'm doing this because a student of mine has cast an Unforgivable and doesn't seem to be dealing with it... Slytherin or not. I did not take this position to watch any student slide into darkness. It is hell, and I have no desire to see any student there. I am also doing this because said student reminds me too much of another student who was eerily apathetic to the darkness slowly encroaching upon his soul," Snape explained all of this in a quiet tone that had a rather sad quality to it.  
  
Harry watched his teacher as he gave his answer. Chills rand down his spine as he was told that he reminded Snape of another student. Harry swallowed and asked softly, "Did this-- did this other student become a Death Eater?" Dread shone through his voice.  
  
Snape nodded slowly. "He became one of the best," he replied in an equally soft voice.  
  
Harry gulped and his eyes grew wide with fear. "May I ask--"  
  
"Lucius Malfoy," Snape answered before Harry could finish.  
  
Harry took this in and sat back in his chair. For another long moment student and professor just looked at each other. Then Harry broke the silence. Looking warily at his teacher, he asked, "Professor, do you truly care because I'm me, because I'm the Boy-Who-Lived, or because I'm a student of yours whom you see as falling into darkness and because of your mistakes, you swore never to allow another student of yours to repeat your mistakes if you could help it?"  
  
Now it was Snape's turn to sit back and eye Harry. Harry's comment was... "That is an oddly Slytherin comment from the Gryffindor Poster Child, Mr Potter."  
  
Harry smirked at Snape, "I was almost the Slytherin Poster Child, Professor."  
  
Harry's response rendered Snape speechless. Mostly. "What?" came his not-so- eloquent response.  
  
The almost-Slytherin replied, very slowly, "I Was Almost The Slytherin Poster Child."  
  
Now Snape looked annoyed, "I heard you the first time," he snapped, "Explain yourself."  
  
Harry sighed. "The Sorting Hat. It wanted to put me in Slytherin. 'It's all there in your head,' it said, 'You could be great you know, and Slytherin could help you on your way to greatness.' I told it to put me anywhere but in Slytherin, and here I am, in Gryffindor. I wonder if I would still be the bane of your existence if I were in Slytherin," he added slyly.  
  
"Most likely so," replied Snape dryly, "especially when one considers your escapades of the past five years."  
  
"I never intended to get into so much trouble," Harry retorted.  
  
"Indeed."  
  
"Really!" Now Harry was indignant, "It wasn't my fault McGonagall didn't believe us that someone was after the Stone. In second year, we had to go after Ginny! Ron and I were the only ones who knew where the Chamber is, and we weren't to know that Lockhart was *that* incompetent. Third year...well...that was Dumbledore's idea. Fourth year was Crouch's fault. Fifth year... fifth year was all my fault, though," Harry finished in a defeated tone that only served to further Snape's worry.  
  
Snape snorted though and retorted with, "Excuses, Mr Potter, nothing more," he said. "I have come to expect better from you. The incident in your first year was unfortunate. You also knew *exactly* how incompetent Lockhart was when you had to drag him down with you. There were other teachers available. As for your third year, that is perhaps best left in the past. True, your fourth year was, for once, none of your doing. And your fifth year is what brings us to this little discussion in the first place. Tell me, Potter, have you dealt with your grief at all? Or have you simply closed yourself off from everyone who would help you?" Snape finished speaking in a mild tone.  
  
Harry started and stared at his teacher for several heartbeats. His eyes were wide, but his face was closed and impassive. Finally he spoke, "I'm dealing with it just fine!" Harry's tone was angry, and more than a little defensive.  
  
Snape arched an eyebrow but said nothing. He knew that eventually the silence would draw the boy out and he would say what needed to be said. Many years' worth of conversations with Albus had taught him that.  
  
Harry looked down. 'Where was this going?' he wondered, 'What does Snape want from me? Why does he care so much?'  
  
The silence hanging in the room worked its magic and finally Harry could take it no more. "Why do you care?" he bit out. His voice was filled with despair. "What do you want from me?" By now his eyes were filling with long repressed tears. Tears that he had been afraid to spill in the presence of the his friends, and aunt and uncle. He put his head in his hands and shuddered.  
  
Snape watched his student impassively, a hint of compassion was working its way through the barriers he had put up around his heart, however. A few heartbeats later he spoke, "Mr Potter--"  
  
"Stop!" again the haunting despair filled Harry's voice, "Just stop," he said, his voice calmer. "How can you sit there and have this conversation with me while you call me 'Potter' or 'Mr Potter'?" he asked. "Why can't you just call me 'Harry'?" he whispered.  
  
Snape sighed and closed his eyes. 'The boy has a point,' he realized. "Very well then, Harry," he emphasized Harry's name. Then he stopped as if a thought had just occurred to him. "Why do you suddenly care about the way I address you?" he asked.  
  
Harry shrugged. "I don't know," he said, "I just do."  
  
Snape just nodded and seemed to accept this. "Harry," he started again," when you came to me and apologised, when you mentioned yelling at Lupin and Black for the... incident that you saw, you proved to me that you truly are different from your father. You look so much like him that it was easier for me to think that you really were just like him. However, you are very different from him. You are also quite different from the Boy-Who-Lived," he added rather softly.  
  
Harry nodded and considered what his teacher had said. "Still, though Professor," he said slowly, "shouldn't the fact that my father is dead have been some clue to you that I couldn't have been like him?"  
  
"I take it you are not familiar with the ever ongoing nature versus nature discussion, then?" said Snape in reply.  
  
Harry looked confused, "Sir?"  
  
"Never mind, Harry," replied Snape, "I concede the point."  
  
Harry nodded absently as another thing that his professor had said sunk in. "It's all right, Professor, I hate him, too," he said suddenly.  
  
Snape looked startled. "What was that?" he asked.  
  
Harry shrugged. "I hate the Boy-Who-Lived, too. As I told Hagrid when he came to deliver my letter, I'm just Harry. I haven't done anything. Now I know that it was my mum who defeated Voldemort. Dumbledore explained it to me in my first year. I don't know why the magic world wants me. I know why Voldemort wants ... wanted me though."  
  
"Oh?" Snape arched an eyebrow, his gesture for the student to explain.  
  
"I suppose you might as well know," said Harry, "Years ago, Trelawney made a real prediction. Her first, according to the Headmaster. Anyway, her prophecy applied to two people, for a while. Neville was on, I was the other. Voldemort got a hold of the first part, so he didn't realize that when he came after me, he was fulfilling the second part. He marked me as his equal, the prophecy is about me now. I have to kill him. I have to do it or die. That was the third part, we both can't live at the same time. Either he will live and I die; or he dies and I will live."  
  
Snape's first inclination was to doubt that Sybil Trelawney, of all people, actually made a real prophecy. But then... part of it had already been fulfilled. Wait a minute, hadn't Harry said something about... "Longbottom?!"  
  
Harry rolled his eyes. "After all that, you latch onto the part about Neville?" he asked his teacher incredulously.  
  
Snape was sorely tempted to roll his eyes at Harry. He refrained from doing so and instead asked, "Why Longbottom?  
  
Harry sighed, clearly, Snape must be in shock. "The prophecy said that at the end of July, a baby would be born to parents who defied the Dark Lord three times and lived. Both Neville's parents and my parents fulfill that. Neville and I were also both born at the end of July," he explained.  
  
"I see," was all Snape said. Then he paused to think and when he spoke again, he spoke gently, softly. "Was this the result of your trip to the Department of Mysteries?" he asked.  
  
Harry looked at his teacher, surprised. He'd never heard Snape speak in such a tone. After a moment, he did see a flash of annoyance in his teacher's eyes--probably at his shock. Reassured that his teacher was still the same man he'd known for the past five years, Harry nodded his head slowly. "Yes," he said, "I rather think it is. I wonder if Dumbledore wouldn't have told me about the prophecy if it hadn't happened. I wish he'd told me about the prophecy long ago, maybe it wouldn't have happened then..." Harry's voice trailed off. He'd said the last bit in such a way as to make Snape think that perhaps Harry had together he was still there.  
  
Snape nodded, and for a moment, he left Harry to his thoughts. When he did speak again, it was in his more usual tone, "Tell me, Harry, have you been dealing with this? Or have you merely pushed it aside, as you've you pushed aside your dealing with the Cruciatus?" he spoke in a slightly sharp tone.  
  
Snape watched as Harry reacted to his questioning. He was baiting the boy. He was doing it on purpose, though he'd seen the boy at the Welcoming Feast and knew what he answer to his question was.  
  
For the truth was, Harry was not dealing with Sirius' death. He ached every day, but he didn't dwell on it. Instead, he turned to his schoolwork and into himself. He withdrew from his friends; Snape suspected that this was one of his motives for giving up Quidditch. He'd become apathetic, cutting himself off from any emotions he may be feeling.  
  
Snape recognized what was happening. He saw it fairly often in his Slytherins, in addition to that, he'd done the same thing himself. He knew he had to get to Harry now, before it became too late. Before Harry became like him.  
  
Finally Harry spoke. "I'm dealing with it, sir," he said sullenly.  
  
Snape studied his student. The boy's eyes were shuttered, something Snape never thought the boy's eyes could be. He sighed. "No, you're not," he said quietly.  
  
Harry just glared. Snape sighed again as he leaned back in his chair. He closed his eyes and sank into his thoughts. His brow furrowed as he considered what to do next. Finally he sat up again and opened his eyes. He saw that Harry was lost again. He was staring off into space. Snape rubbed the bridge of his nose as he watched his student. Then he spoke.  
  
"I will answer your question now. The one about what I want from you," he spoke softly and watched while Harry returned from wherever he had gone. "I said earlier that you reminded me of Lucius Malfoy. The truth is that you also remind me of me when I was close to your age."  
  
Now Harry was fully back. He didn't speak but his eyes betrayed his interest and his desire for his teacher to continue his story.  
  
Snape obliged. "I had one sibling, an older brother. He was in his seventh year when I started. He was a Ravenclaw. He was quiet, very studious, but also a fairly powerful wizard. Voldemort wanted him; he thought it would be easy, because of our family's relationship. My brother refused. He was killed. The one bright spot of my childhood was taken from me," Snape stopped and took a deep breath. He tried to figure out what Harry was thinking, but the boy's face, even his eyes, was closed off. He was listening though, Snape could see that much. Another breath and he continued.  
  
"I cut myself off from anyone and everyone who could, would, help me. It was the end of my third year. No one knew, not yet. By the time fourth year came, most of the other Slytherins found out. Lucius tried to help, and I suppose he did, in a way. But in the end, he just drove me closer to Voldemort. To this day, I cannot believe I willingly chose to join my brother's murderer.  
  
"By cutting myself off from those who truly care, by closing off my emotions, I made it all too easy for the Dark Lord to lay a claim on my soul.  
  
"Now, for what I want from you, Harry. I want you not to repeat my mistakes," Snape finished and watched Harry. There was a strangely intense look in his eyes.  
  
Harry studied his professor. The man was obviously sincere. Deep down, he knew Snape was right, but he didn't really have anyone to go to. He wasn't exactly on the best of terms with Dumbledore; Ron and Hermione were too wrapped up in each other; Remus, well, it hurt too much to talk to Remus, plus, he still felt too guilty to approach his former professor.  
  
As if he read Harry's thought, Snape said, "If you wish it, my office is available. I will not coddle you, nor will I pity you, but I get the distinct impression that you would not appreciate that, anyway."  
  
Harry frowned in confusion. "Why?" he asked.  
  
"The Occlumency lessons, we will be in and out of each other's heads, perhaps our sessions will be... made more bearable this way. Lying becomes futile with constant sessions," Snape spoke softly again.  
  
Harry nodded dumbly, and Snape could see that Harry was fairly exhausted. It was midnight, after all. He stood up, "Come, Harry. It's long after curfew. I'll walk you to your tower."  
  
Harry nodded again. "Thank you, sir."  
  
Snape nodded in reply and pushed Harry gently out of the classroom. They walked in silence up to Gryffindor Tower. Harry considering all that he had been told that night. Snape was busy considering what in the world he had gotten himself in to. 


	5. Thoughts

Chapter Five: Thoughts 

Surprisingly, Harry fell asleep quickly, and he managed to sleep though the nigh, though he did wake up early. Deciding to take advantage of the beautiful weather and the fact that it was a Saturday, Harry grabbed his Invisibility Cloak and Marauder's Map and headed down to the lake to think.

Harry found his favorite spot by the tree and leaned against it. It was a cool morning, there was a slight breeze and the sun wasn't quite fully up yet. Harry fell easily into his thoughts.

Last night was the oddest night of my life. I expected a lecture or threats. Either of those would have been a lot easier to deal with. Instead I go... well, I'm still not sure what it is that I got.

_Snape surprised me. He really must understand, at least on some level. He's right, too. Lying is futile when we're in and out of each other's head so often. What he asks, I'll answer. I suppose that it's only a fair exchange after he agreed to teach me again._

Having calmed his thoughts, Harry settled in to enjoy the cool morning. The slight breeze was soothing, and soon he felt much better than he had in a long time. His talk with Snape had freed several locked up emotions, though Harry would deal with them later. For now, he was determined to enjoy the morning.

~{][}~

Harry wasn't the only one who had awoken early. Snape had woken up after only a few hours of restless sleep. The conversation he'd had with Harry had freed various locked up emotions within him as well. Unlike Harry though, Snape found no comfort.

In addition to digging up long buried emotions, the discussion had brought up many memories that Snape felt should have stayed buried. Memories of Lucius, memories of his brother, memories of what he'd done as a Death Eater. Snape groaned, this was getting him nowhere. Finally he got up and left the dungeons.

Fifteen minutes later, Snape was standing atop one of the Astronomy Towers. He could see a lone figure walking by the lake and sitting under a tree. Considering the early hour and the way that the figure disappeared after ten minutes or so, it had to be Harry, and he'd taken his blasted Invisibility Cloak. Snape wondered if Harry was up and about for the same reasons he was. Well, perhaps not the _same_ reasons, but surely they were similar ones.

His mind wandered to the boy. He knew that all was not as it seemed with the young Gryffindor. Last night's discussion proved that much. He put on a face for the world, but he was different... He put on a brave face for Granger and Weasley, maybe even for Dumbledore and the other adults in his life. But not for him.

Snape wondered about that. After their Occlumency lessons, Snape could already tell that Harry showed him a different face. Perhaps this mask was closer to the real Harry than the one he presented before the other Gryffindors. '_Why does he give me a different face? Why me?'_ he wondered.

Harry Potter had become an enigma. He was very different from his father. He had bits of his mother in him, but those bits didn't show themselves very often. Who was this boy? Hero, saviour of the wizarding world? In some ways he was, but he obviously hated that part of himself.

Son of Lily and James Potter? Biologically, yes, but he wasn't raised by them, so in many ways, no.

In that moment, Snape decided that he would be the one to solve this puzzle. He would be the one to find the real Harry Potter. The boy had already given him glimpses of who he really was, he just had to find the rest. Snape wondered if Harry would ever, could ever, trust him enough to show himself. Perhaps with the Occlumency lessons...


	6. Improvements

Chapter Six:

Two days later found Harry in Snape's classroom again. There was no mention of their discussion. Snape had Harry begin right away.

For once, Harry found himself able to push Snape from his mind more easily. He now had a better handle on his emotions. After thirty minutes, Snape stopped the attacks.

"It would seem, Harry, that you actually practiced for once," he said.

Harry recognized the compliment for what it was. "I told you I was, sir," he calmly replied.

"Indeed," Snape simply replied. Harry then followed Snape's lead as he sat down and didn't dismiss Harry.

The sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes before Harry sighed. "Something wrong, Harry?" asked Snape in an indifferent tone.

"So I'm still Harry, then? Good." Harry smiled.

"It seems more appropriate considering what we are doing here," came the stiff reply.

"Hmm…" was Harry's noncommittal reply, though he was inwardly smiling at Snape's tone. However, uncomfortable silence again filled the room.

This time it was Snape who broke the silence. "Well?" he asked.

Harry looked up, he'd been lost in his own world again.

Snape sighed, he was just a touch exasperated. "I asked you a question, and you managed to successfully redirect my attention for a few moments," he explained.

"Oh," said Harry. He sighed again as he thought about how to answer. Then he said, "I was just thinking about the last time I was here."

Snape realized that he should have known that. "I see," was all he said. Another silence, then he spoke again. "Do you have any thoughts on what was said?" he asked.

"Well," Harry started, "I still don't understand why you're so concerned about me, sir," he said. Snape started to say something, but Harry held up a hand and kept talking. "Let me finished, please, sir. I mean that if I were Malfoy, I could understand your concern. But, I'm not. I'm me, Harry Potter, the bane of your existence," he finished.

Snape studied Harry. He looked exhausted, as well as more than a little curious. His face was lined with tension and grief. Finally, Snape spoke. "To be more than honest, Harry, I don't know. You are the Gryffindor golden boy, the bane of my existence, as you say –" Snape smirked "—Though perhaps that title should go to Mr Longbottom. The Head of Slytherin House should not care so much about a Gryffindor's fate, however Slytherin that Gryffindor may be," another smirk, "I have told you that for different reasons you remind me of Lucius and myself, I think that that is perhaps why I am so concerned. I have no desire to see you end up like either Lucius or myself." Snape finished his little speech in a soft tone.

Harry looked at Snape, and, after a few minutes, he nodded. "I think I understand, sir," he said in the same soft tone that Snape had used. Then he continued, even more softly than before. "Thank you, Professor," he said, "I – I think that you are right. I am cutting myself off. It just… it hurts too much to do otherwise," he whispered.

Snape nodded. "I know, Harry. I know.," he said. The pair lapsed into another silence, though this one was not as uncomfortable as, nor as awkward as the rest had been. Then Snape stood up and walked to his potions cabinet.

He dispelled the wards on it and then scanned the contents. Finally he found whatever it was that he was looking for, then he walked over to where Harry was seated and pressed the bottle into Harry's hand. Harry looked up at him questioningly.

"It's a more potent Dreamless Sleep potion than the one that Madame Pomfrey gives out to students. You should return to your dormitory and take it.," was Snape's explanation.

Harry nodded and stood. "Thank you, Professor," he said.

"You're welcome, Harry. Good night."

Note: Obviously this has become AU with the release of HBP. I will, however, be finishing it as I have originally written it, since it would be futile to try to make it compatible.


	7. The Order

Chapter Seven: The Order

As the weeks went by, Harry fell into a routine. On the days that he had Potions, he would meet with Snape for his Occlumency lessons. After Snape decided that they'd done enough for one session, he and Snape would settle into two chairs in the classroom and talk for a bit. They would discuss almost anything, except for Sirius or the Dark Arts. Some nights, they would just sit together in silence.

One night, at the end of one such session, Snape turned to Harry and said, "Harry, the Order is coming here for a meeting. Dumbledore wishes for you to attend. On Friday, do something to get detention. I'll have you serve it with me, and I will then take you to the Order that night."

Harry furrowed his brow with confusion; he hadn't expected this – not until he graduated anyway. "All right, Professor," he said finally. "Er—do you know why I'm supposed to come?"

Snape shook his head. "No, Harry, I've no idea. I think though that perhaps Dumbledore wishes to avoid a repeat of last year."

Harry nodded, a flash of guilt and grief flying across his face. "I'd best be going, sir," he said then. "I'll see in you class."

"Good night, Harry."

HPSSHP

As it turned out, Harry didn't have to come up with any trouble to cause in class. He overslept because of another nightmare, so he was fifteen minutes late for class. Snape promptly gave Harry a detention, though he was grateful that Harry hadn't decided to blow up his cauldron.

"Mr Potter!" Snape's voice snapped Harry from his reverie.

"Yes, Professor?"

"Stay after class to arrange your detention; your inattentiveness will be the death of you one day."

"Yes, sir," replied Harry dully.

Snape frowned at Harry's lack of response, but he continued his lecture with no further comments. Harry groaned inwardly, two detentions in one class, though only one was real.

The rest of the class passed uneventfully. Harry sent a reassuring look towards Hermione as they walked out. "Go on," he said, "I'll meet you later, at lunch." She nodded reluctantly and left the classroom. Harry picked up his bag and met Snape at his desk.

"Mr Potter," Snape started, "I have allowed you into this class only because you scored a very high 'E' on your Potions O.W.L., you will need to work harder if you wish to get through. You are barely making it as it is. Your inattentiveness today does not help matters."

"Yes, sir, I know. I'm sorry, Professor, I just had a bad nightmare last night. Next time I'll do my best to leave my nightmares in my dormitory."

"Snape nodded. "Very well, Mr Potter. Though if this continues, I'll be adding tutoring to your 'detentions', it wouldn't do for you to escape the Dark Lord's clutches four times only to have you die in a Potions accident."

"Yes, sir," said Harry.

"Here's a pass; you have Charms next?"

When Harry nodded, Snape wrote out a pass to excuse him from being late. Harry took the pass and said, "Thank you, Professor, I'll see you tonight."

Snape nodded. "We'll arrange your second detention then."

"Yes, sir," Harry acknowledged as he left the room.

HPSSHP

At exactly eight o'clock, Harry knocked on the door to Snape's office. When he was bit to come in, he opened the door and walked in.

"So, you are capable of showing up on time, Harry," greeted Snape, as he smirked at the boy.

"I'm always on time," replied Harry indignantly.

"That's why you're serving a detention for being late?"

"Yes, sir, I mean, no, sir… Oh!" Harry stuttered out his reply, finally sighing with exasperation.

Snape continued to smirk at Harry's discomfort, though he did have to work hard to prevent the laugh that he was holding in from escaping. Finally, he took some pity on the boy and waved his hand. "No matter," he said, "Come, we must go now."

Harry nodded sullenly. "Yes, sir," he replied.

"Don't pout, Harry. It's unbecoming."

Harry scowled in response and followed his professor out of his office and deeper into the dungeons. The pair walked though the dungeons to a lower level that Harry had had no idea even existed. They walked in silence, though it wasn't awkward. Finally, they reached a door that had a portrait of a phoenix on it. Snape said the password quietly so that Harry couldn't hear it, and the phoenix let them into the room it was guarding.

Harry and Snape stepped into a circular room. Bookshelves lined the walls and there were only breaks for three doors, one of which they had just entered through. In the center of the room was a large table with different chairs around it. At the head sat Dumbledore. Also present were Remus Lupin, Alastor Moody, Tonks, Arthur Weasley, Mundungus Fletcher, and Kingsley Shacklebolt.

Dumbledore was the first to notice their arrival. "Good evening, Severus, Harry," he greeted them. "Welcome, Harry, to the Order of the Phoenix!"

"Thank you, sir," was all Harry said. He was feeling rather overwhelmed by everything.

Dumbledore smiled and then conjured a chair for him. It was one of the smaller ones, and it appeared next to Snape's chair. It was made of a red wood – Harry couldn't identify it – and had golden phoenixes decorating the head and arms. The cloth on the seat was green and silver, with small serpents (black) on it.

"Very interesting," commented Dumbledore. "Well, no matter, come and sit down, Harry, we must begin."

Harry wanted to ask what was interesting, but before he could say anything, Snape sent him a warning look. So Harry sat down and resolved to ask later.

Dumbledore stood. "I call this meeting of the Order of the Phoenix to order," he said. "Today we are here to introduce our newest member, Harry Potter."

More than one person looked startled, in fact, only Snape did not. Arthur was one who spoke. "Are you sure, Albus?" he asked. "Is he not too young?"

Surprisingly, it was Snape who answered. "Yes, he is," he said, "but as it stands, he is also too young for the burden our world has placed upon him, and so we have no choice but to bring him in."

Dumbledore nodded gravely. "Indeed, Severus, indeed. Harry has had a great burden placed upon him, but by inducting him into the Order, I hop that we can ease this burden. Eventually our plans will involve him a great deal, and this way Harry can stay involved on whatever level he feels most comfortable with – within reason, of course."

Arthur nodded and conceded the point. "Very well, Albus," he said.

Dumbledore then continued with Harry's introduction to the Order. He made sure that Harry knew everyone and that everyone knew Harry. Then he informed them that Harry required extra training. It was decided that Tonks would come around every Saturday to work on his animagus transformation, and they would also go out to Hogsmeade to work on apparition. Moody was to come by on Sundays to build up Harry's tactical skills. Snape snorted at this and Harry silently agreed, first he needed tactical skills before they could be built up. In addition, advanced defense lessons would become a shared duty spread around the various Order members.

When the matter of Harry's extra lessons was settled, Dumbledore cast a spell on Harry. Its purpose was twofold. First, it created a connection between himself and the other members so that they would know if he was in danger, and so that he could be informed if there was an emergency meeting that he was required to attend. Second, it locked up what he knew of the Order so that he could never reveal what he knew to anyone who questioned him – the secrets would be contained even if Veritaserum was used.

When that was done, Dumbledore adjourned the meeting saying that it was now long enough after curfew. Arthur, Moody, and Tonks approached Harry.

" Hi, Harry!" Tonks was enthusiastic. "I'll see you this Saturday, eh?"

"Right, Tonks. Where should I meet you?"

Tonks grinned. "How about Honeydukes?"

"Okay," agreed Harry with a grin,

"All right then, I'll see you later." Tonks left, and Arthur and Moody turned to Harry.

"Well, Harry, you're an Order member now," said Arthur, "Take care of yourself, all right? Molly will kill you if anything happens." He smiled wryly.

"The boy'll be fine, Weasley," interrupted Moody, "he's not going on any missions any time soon. He's to concentrate on his lessons this year."

"Right. Don't worry, Mr Weasley, I'll be extra careful this year. I don't want a repeat of last year," Harry replied.

"All right then, Harry. Good night," said Arthur.

"Good night, Mr Weasley."

After Arthur left, Moody turned his attention back to Harry. "Right then," he said, "we'll have to assess your skills before your lessons start so that we know what you need to work on. Remember, Constant Vigilance!" Moody left.

Harry was left standing by himself. He looked around and noticed Dumbledore speaking with Snape. He decided to walk over to them. Dumbledore noticed him first.

"Hello, Harry," he said, "I hope you have a better understanding of what is going on, now."

"Harry nodded. "I do, sir," he replied, "thank you."

"You may not be thanking me later, Harry, but we do what must be done." Dumbledore sighed.

Harry wasn't sure how to answer that, so he didn't reply. Instead, he remembered about his chair. "Headmaster, what was so interesting about my chair?" he asked.

"Each chair is unique to its owner," Dumbledore began. "They represent who the person is. Yours is interesting because it quite clearly belongs to someone who is equal parts Gryffindor and Slytherin. The two houses are very near opposites, so it is an unusual quality to have."

"That's it, right?" Harry was a little suspicious. Nothing was ever so simple in his left.

"What do you mean, Mr Potter?" Snape interjected.

"Well, I mean to ask: this doesn't fulfill any prophecies? There's nothing special about the chair?" Harry tried to explain.

"Ah, I think I understand," said Dumbledore. "No, Harry, there is absolutely nothing special about your chair beyond the unusual combination of symbols."

"Oh, good." Harry breathed a sigh of relief.

Snape frowned, but he refrained from commenting. "If that's all?" he finally said.

"Oh, yes, of course, Severus," said Dumbledore. "Good night, Harry, Severus."

"Good night. Professor."

"Good night, Albus."

Harry and Snape had started to leave when Remus came up to them. "Harry! Wait."

"Hi, Professor Lupin," Harry said as Remus reached them.

Remus smiled at Harry. "Harry, I know that you have to leave now with Professor Snape, but I want to talk to you. Can you meet me for tea tomorrow?"

"Of course, Professor. Where? When?" replied Harry.

"I'll come get you in the afternoon. We can go down to the kitchens, all right?"

"OK," agreed Harry.

Remus smiled and bade Harry good night before leaving.

Then, finally, Snape and Harry were able to leave the room. Snape walked Harry back to Gryffindor Tower because by then it was after curfew. At the portrait hole, they bade each other good night, and Snape left Harry with instructions to practice his Occlumency.

Harry climbed the stairs to his dormitory and changed quietly. The other boys were already asleep. He lied down and tried his hardest to clear his mind before he fell asleep.


	8. Tea with Remus

**Chapter Eight: Tea with Remus**

When Harry awoke the next morning, he had to fight an overwhelming urge to write a letter to Sirius. Sirius was gone; he wasn't coming back. Despite the fact that it was still early, Harry found that he was unable to go back to sleep. So rather than stay in bed and deal with losing Sirius, Harry dragged himself out of bed and went to breakfast. He was one of the only ones there, it being early on a Saturday morning. He ate quickly and returned to Gryffindor Tower for his books, and then he went to the library to do his homework.

Burying himself in his studies was Harry's newest way of coping. It kept Hermione off his back regarding their N.E.W.T.s, and it gave him an excuse to avoid Ron. Their friendship simply wasn't the same since Harry had quit the Quidditch team. The time passed quickly, and before he knew it, his stomach was letting him know that it was time for lunch. So he packed up his things and walked to the Great Hall.

Snape watched as Harry came in and sat down. He noticed that Harry was carrying his book bag, so he'd probably just come from the library. Obviously a new habit formed this year. Harry was still withdrawn. Snape also noticed that Harry sat at the end of the Gryffindor table and did not interact with his housemates beyond the briefest of greetings. He frowned at this, but pushed it aside. He'd observe Harry and find out what his state of mind was at their next lesson.

After Harry finished eating, he walked back to the library. Before lunch he'd hit a standstill with his Potions essay, but while he'd been eating he'd had an idea. Soon he was lost in a plethora of potions books. This was the state Snape found him in two hours later.

"Mr. Potter, would you care to explain why there is a very worried werewolf in my office?" he asked impatiently.

Harry jumped as Snape's voice brought him back to reality. "What was that, Professor?" he asked.

Snape sighed. "I asked if you would care to explain why I have a very worried werewolf in my office," he repeated himself with an increasingly annoyed tone.

Harry frowned. "Remus is here already?" I thought he wouldn't be coming until later? We just had lunch..."

Harry's confusion was quite evident to Snape who wanted to roll his eyes. The boy was truly impossible. "Mr. Potter," he said, "lunch was two hours ago. You told Lupin you'd be available at the Tower. You were not there. Then, for whatever reason, he felt that I would know where you were, so he came to me. Rather than have him wandering around the castle looking for you, it was decided that I would have the privilege of dragging you out of whatever trouble you got yourself into. So, Mr. Potter, what have you got yourself into?"

Wordlessly, Harry handed Snape his book. Then he said, "I was working on the essay you assigned us." It was clear from his tone that he appreciated the irony of the moment.

Snape sneered. "Well, well, Mr. Potter, you have certainly picked an inconvenient time to take your Potions studies seriously. Pack up and come with me. I have no desire to spend more time with Lupin than is strictly necessary."

"Yes, sir," Harry replied. He hurriedly grabbed his books and parchments and placed them in his bag. Then he followed Snape down into the dungeons to his office.

When they arrived at Snape's office, they found Remus pacing worriedly. "Harry!" Remus cried out upon seeing them enter.

"Hi, Remus," Harry said as he smiled sheepishly at his worried adopted godfather.

"Well," Snape cut in, "now that you two have found each other, kindly vacate my office."

Remus simply smiled at him and said, "Thank you for finding him, Severus."

"It was either find him or have you pacing in my office all day until he came along," Snape felt the need to point out.

Harry smiled as he watched the exchange, then he said, "Come on, Remus, let's leave Professor Snape to his work."

"Yes, do so," Snape agreed.

Remus just laughed and said said, "Very well then. Good afternoon, Severus."

"Bye, Professor," Harry said as they left Snape's office.

Snape only closed the door behind them in reply. Harry laughed again and Remus smiled. He knew that Harry's real laughs were few and far between these days. "What's so funny, Harry? And where were you?" he asked.

"Professor Snape, he's just so different when someone's with us. He's not like that during our Occlumency lessons, only in public. I think the effort he goes to convince everyone that he hates me is funny," explained Harry.

"Oh," said Remus. He was rather surprised by Harry's reply. "Where were you, though?" he asked again.

"In the library," replied Harry promptly.

"In the library?" echoed Remus.

"Yes," confirmed Harry. "Why?"

"By yourself? Voluntarily?" Remus was surprised.

"Yes, really!" Harry was getting a little annoyed, was it really so surprising that he would go to the library on his own?

"Sorry, Harry," said Remus, picking up on Harry's annoyance. "You've just never been known to do that before."

"It's all right, Remus," Harry replied. "Where are we going?"

Remus smiled. "To the lake," he answered. "I want to take advantage of the last few warm days. It's rare that it's still so nice at this time of year."

"We're having tea by the lake?" Harry asked.

"Yes, indeed."

After that, they walked in silence out to the lake. Harry was once again lost in his thoughts, and Remus was considering Harry. He found it unusual that Ron and Hermione weren't anywhere to be found when usually they weren't far at all from Harry.

They arrived at the lake and settled themselves under the tree. Remus enlarged the picnic basket he'd been carrying, and after observing Harry for a while, spoke. "You really miss him a lot, don't you?" he asked quietly.

Harry looked up at him. "Yes, I do. It surprises me sometimes, because I knew him for such a short time, and I didn't really know him. I mean, I knew that he loved me, that he loved pranks and causing trouble, but I didn't really _know_ him because he had to stay on the run or hide. We couldn't exactly spend much time together," he said softly.

"I know, Harry," replied Remus. "It's terrible that this happened before we could catch Wormtail." Remus sighed and tossed some crumbs into the lake. "The trouble that rat has caused us..."

Harry sighed too. "We'll catch him, Remus. We'll catch him," he promised.

After that exchange, they sat together in a companionable silence that was only occasionally broken as Remus tried to find out what was going on with Harry. He didn't have much luck, and that worried him. He knew that Harry had given up Quidditch; Harry's whole life seemed to revolve around Defense now. This saddened Remus, and after a while he gave up.

Soon Remus said that he had to leave. So Harry said good-bye to him and walked back to the castle alone. Deciding that it would be futile to return to his homework, he went to his dormitory to read.

--

Author's Note: Nope, definitely not dead! I will finish this one, as I've got an outline with some notes and everything.


End file.
